Romania in pictures

A picture is worth a thousand words, so here are about 20,000 words worth! However, if you prefer to read 20,000 words, check out my other posts about Romania. :)

Part One

Part Two

A very tired Pete on our last leg of the journey--a teeny prop plane that left us all a little queasy.

We heart motion-sickness drugs!

The enormous Christmas tree in the Targu Mures town square where we took all the kids. This shot was taken from our hotel room--what a view!

Don't let the background fool you. This isn't someone's property out in the Romanian contryside--it's the zoo! Here I am with my little friend ...

Some of the kids posing in front of the Christmas tree after we went to the zoo.

This is one of the teenage girls I really loved getting to know.

Look at her beautiful eyes! This is another of the teenagers I loved talking to. Her English was great, and we got to have some cool conversations.

This is what much of the housing looks like in Romanian cities. Some of the orphan homes are in buildings like these.

A few of us from the team playing cards with the kids at their house. This was a home full of boys--it was definitely one of the nicer ones we saw. It was so fun playing cards with them, and a great way to breach the language barrier.

Here we are with all the kids from that house.

I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but if you read my last post, you know that I don't always play by the rules. This little boy definitely captured my attention, and we had some fun times playing games and laughing. He shares my sarcastic sense of humor, so obvi we hit it off right away. Miss this guy! His sister and he are both orphans in the same home. They thought it was so cool that Pete and I were brother and sister too.

Pete with his ever-present groupies. They called him their Justin Beiber. SO cute.

This is one of the group homes singing Christmas songs. After they sang, each of the kids gave their candle to someone in the audience. I was one of the lucky ones. :)

One of my favorite Christmas gifts this year.

Another group doing their skit. These two girls are absolutely precious, playing Silent Night on their recorders.

Acting out the Christmas story, which transcends all languages!

My friend with his Christmas presents--look at that smile and tell me you don't want to keep him!

The girls loving their pizza.

I love this picture ...

Having fun with the icing. This is another of my favorite pictures--this girl is a delight!

Merry Christmas!!

Romania: My moment, part 2

I talked about my first, life-changing moment in my last post. The second one came our first day with the kids in Romania…

After a veeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy long journey (I think we traveled for almost 24 hours), we arrived in Romania. We had dinner, went to bed, then got up the next morning surprisingly well rested and ready to meet the orphans for a day at the zoo.

As you can imagine, after years of building up this moment in my mind, I really didn’t know what to expect, and to be quite honest, I was nervous. Would I be able to communicate with the kids despite the language barrier? Would it be weird talking through a translator? Would the kids like me?

All my questions were laid to rest the moment the kids piled out of their bus and ran to meet us at the entrance to the zoo. There were about 40 or 50 orphans that first day, ranging in age from five to probably 18. For many of them, it was their first time to the zoo; their first time seeing animals up close. What fun it was to see them wonder at how huge the cow was and laugh at the silly monkeys.

At first, the kids were tentative around us, feeling us out. Most of the orphans we saw the first day weren’t ones the Mission Outfitter team had met before (others we met later in the week have been part of the ministry for the last nine years, though), so there wasn’t a familiarity yet, and I’m sure the kids were wondering who we were and why we were there. After a few exhibits and one very bonding experience in the monkey’s awful-smelling house, the ice was broken.

One little girl caught my attention. She kept eyeing me, and I smiled at her. After a few smiles, she bravely came over, took my hand, and didn’t let go until we said goodbye that night.

Moment number two.

I have tears in my eyes now thinking about her. Again, I had years of expectations and ideas of what it would be like to spend time with Romanian orphans. But in that moment, it all melted away, and all that existed was that little girl and me. I had the feeling before I went on the trip that I would want to bring the kids back with me. I had no idea, though, the bond that could be forged. When I say that I left my heart in Romania, I really did.

The zoo became background noise as my new little friend and I got to know each other. Through the translator, I found out lots of things about her. She loves ice cream (all the flavors except banana), her favorite subject in school is music, and she’s lived in the orphan home for a little over three years (I wondered about that as you probably are now. I found out why a couple days later … keep reading). Her favorite word to say is “beautiful.” Even when the translator wasn’t with us, we found ways to communicate. Her English is impressive for a child her age, and she loves to sing. That was a fun was to communicate, since she knows quite a few English songs.

After the zoo, we went to a playground where we climbed on a jungle gym, played on swings and made s’mores for the kids. I enjoyed all the orphans that day, and included them in the activities I did with my little friend. But, throughout it all, she kept me right next to her; anywhere else wasn’t an option. And that was ok with me.

The whole group of us walked from the playground to the center of the town we stayed in, Târgu Mureș. Unknown to the kids, we were taking them to the GIGANTIC town Christmas tree. Some of them don’t have Christmas trees in their homes, so seeing this one was going to be a real treat.

On our way to town (a very cold, 40-minute walk), my friend and I walked hand-in-hand, singing Christmas carols. Sometimes, she knew them in English. Other times, she sang in her language and I in mine, both of us smiling at the new words we were learning. My appreciation for the power of music grew a hundred-fold that day. She showed me how high she could count in English (which was impressive), and then went over the names of colors, animals and other words she knows in our language. It was the best day I’ve had in years.

We arrived at the town square a few minutes before the lighting of the tree. The kids were looking around, wondering why we brought them there to see a big, lightless pine tree. Some I could see were disappointed—but mainly they seemed anxious to get out of the cold and onto our next activity, a fancy dinner at a hotel restaurant. All the adults knew what was coming, though, and kept saying, “just wait—you’re going to love this.”

The joy on their faces when that tree lit up—from the littlest boy all the way up to the oldest teenager—radiated brighter than all those Christmas lights combined. It was one of the sweetest moments of the trip.

It also made me think: How often in my life do I rush things? I always want to get onto the next bigger, better event, when God is saying, “Just wait here. I promise, something good is on the way.” Just a thought …

After taking about a thousand pictures (which I’ll share in my next post), we went to the hotel for dinner. Again, for us Americans, it’s no big deal to have a meal where there are two forks, three courses and more calories than we care to count. For these kids, it was everything. Eating out is unheard of for them, and eating at their houses is a simple, cost-effective thing. Excess isn’t part of their vocabulary. Eating till they’re stuffed? Probably never. It was so fun to teach them how and when to use the different utensils, and to see them shoveling the entire meal into their mouths, not willing to have even a crumb go to waste.

The best part, though, was what happened after we ate. The kids from each of the houses stood up and sang Christmas carols for all of us.

I like to think that I enjoy the simple things in life. But now gathering joy from the little things has taken on a whole new meaning for me. These children are experts at it, and they inspired me. They have so little; yet, to see them singing with such joy, you’d think they had the secret to all the riches of the world. How is that possible? I mean, when I say they have little, they literally have NOTHING of their own, besides the clothes on their backs. What I consider to be my greatest blessings in life—my family—they can’t even conceptualize. Yet they are grateful. Sweet. Kind. They certainly taught me a thing or two…

As the kids left that night and I said goodbye to my little friend, I had to hold back tears. I knew I’d see her again, so it wasn’t that. I was overcome with emotion. Fear at wondering what kind of life she’ll face. Sadness knowing that I would have to say goodbye in just a few days. Hopelessness at the Romanian government’s laws against foreigners adopting their orphans. But mostly, I was overwhelmed by this anticipation of the emptiness I knew would fill me the moment I said goodbye at the end of the week. I tried not to allow my emotions to take over, put a smile on my face, gave her a big hug, and told her I couldn’t wait to see her again.

And that was just day one.

Over the next several days, we spent time with different groups of kids at the ministry center. Mission Outfitter partners with a foundation in Romania headed up by an awesome young couple, Leandru and Claudia. They have a ministry center where they bring the kids each week to learn life skills, build character, play games and give them a safe place to go.

We also visited some of the children in their homes. It’s an interesting system Romania has now—it has come a long way since the 20/20 episode I saw so long ago. Several years ago, all the huge, institutional orphanages were closed and the children were distributed to houses around the country. The government hired a husband and wife for each house, and then filled it with the orphan children. The homes we visited ranged from five to eleven kids per home (most parents have children of their own that live in the home too).

Some of the homes were nice—not by our American standards, but at least compared to some of the others we saw. Some were cramped, sparse and didn’t feel very hospitable. It was quite a mixture, as were the house parents. You could tell that some cared about the children, while others don’t have pure motives.

Our team also got to visit two young adults who used to be orphans, but have since gone back to live with their families. What happens in Romania sometimes is that families will have a number of children, then decide later that they can’t afford all of them, give into some sort of addiction, or simply don’t want them, and so they give them over to the state. To me, these cases are some of the most heartbreaking. As if it isn’t bad enough to be an orphan in the first place, from birth, to know your parents chose you, over your siblings, to be sent away, must just pile rejection upon rejection and heartbreak.

The houses of these former orphans we visited can hardly be called that. They were cement slabs no bigger than my dining room, with flimsy walls and roofs that didn’t do much to keep out the cold Romanian winter air. Neither home had running water or a bathroom. Bathing happened rarely because the water source is so far away, and to use the toilet they had to go outside to the outhouse. There is so much more to the stories of the two former-orphans we visited (years of neglect, abuse and more), and I want to share them with you, but I don’t think doing so in a public forum is appropriate. If you want to hear their stories, though, send me a message, because I think it is absolutely vital for the world to hear what’s going on. How will change come if the truth is buried?

The next day, I was able to go to the house where my little friend lives. I was relieved to see that out of all the homes we visited, her house parents seemed the kindest, and though her walls were bare and her bedroom sparse, it was painted pale yellow and had windows in it to brighten it up even more. (I’m sending her things to put up on her walls for her 11th birthday next month). We played games and she gave me a tour of the house. Then we went downstairs to the kitchen.

At this point, the house parents served coffee to us visitors, and we sat around the table. My friend was next to me, holding my hand, and Leandru was translating for us. The little girl’s house parents told us that all the kids had written letters to St. Nicholas to ask him for things. We began to go around the table and ask the children what they’d asked for. A new toy. A pretty shirt. Soap. These were the answers we heard. When we came to my friend, we heard that in her letter, she asked St. Nick for one piece of candy. And also that he’d help her to be a good girl. Once again, I fought to keep my emotions under control. One piece of candy? And help being good? You have to understand, this girl is the sweetest, most pleasant little girl you can imagine. What help could she possibly need in that area? Can you imagine an American kid asking Santa for one piece of candy and help being good? Better yet, receiving one piece of candy and actually being thrilled about it? It’s mind-blowing.

I then found out the reason she has only been at the orphan home since she was seven: Her mother gave her to the state three years ago because she either couldn’t or didn’t want to be her mother anymore. There was never a father in the picture. The little girl often writes letters to her mom, but has never once received a response. She often asks why her mom doesn’t write to her.

I didn’t feel like my heart could take anymore. How could a mother not want this precious child? It’s not my place to judge, and I try so hard not to, but I can only imagine that her mom must be in a very dark, desperate place to give up her daughter and then make no effort to maintain contact. And the poor girl must feel rejection each day as she hopefully runs to the mailbox for letters that never arrive.

Again, I had to fight and pray hard for control over the tears springing to my eyes. And the whole time I was hearing her story, she sat there next to me, squeezing my hand so tightly. I wanted to gather her in my arms, cover her ears, and bring her home with me.

When we left the house, she walked with me all the way to our van, which was parked a couple streets away. I hugged her tight and told her I’d see her the next day for the Christmas party.

On our last day in Romania, we threw a huge Christmas party for the children, and really, they threw it for us just as much as we did for them. There were probably close to 100 kids there that we’d seen throughout the week. In addition to my little friend, I’d gotten close to a little boy and several of the older, teenage girls. It was so fun to see them all one last time to celebrate Christmas together. Each of the homes put on a performance of some sort. It was so much fun to watch them—even in Romanian and Hungarian, the message of joy they were sending was clear. After their skits and songs ended, we gave them each bags full of Christmas presents. Nothing extravagant—toiletries, a shirt, pencils, stickers—but talk about grateful, excited kids. I’m not sure, though, if they were more excited about the presents or the pizza and cake that followed! Pizza and cake are both delicacies to them—again, it was so fun to see them indulging, almost guiltily at first, and then voraciously after that. One little boy had his plate held right up to his face, shoveling every piece of pizza he could in it.

Of course, my little friend held onto me all night, and we did everything together. She drew me pictures as we sat together for me to take home. I look at them often. I wore a scarf to the party that she loved, so at the end of the evening, I wrapped it around her neck and told her it was hers to keep, a reminder of how much I loved spending time with her and that I was back in America, thinking of her and praying for her every day. She told me she loved me, and I about fell apart right there.

The end of the party came too quickly, and we had to say goodbye. When I say it is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do in my life, I’m not exaggerating. I barely held it together as I said goodbye to all the kids, especially the ones I’d grown close to. But how would I say goodbye to one I’d come to love? I didn’t know it was possible for that depth of emotion and bonding to happen so quickly. But my trip to Romania was full of lessons of things I didn’t know or realize were possible. That was just another one.

It’s funny. I went there to be a blessing and to bring joy to the lives of orphans. And I believe that happened. However, what I couldn’t possibly have anticipated was how much of a blessing those kids would be to me. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of them, prayed for them and pondered what I can do to help them.

I’ve had my moments. Now, what will I do with them?

I certainly don’t believe my first trip to Romania will be my last. But I also don’t feel as though going there will be enough for me. I want to do more. I want to be an advocate for these children who can’t speak for themselves. I don’t yet know what form that will take, but I’m committed to not be a person who goes on a mission trip and comes back all fired up, but that fire burns out.

No. What happened for me was the fanning of a long-simmering flame. It’s going to keep burning until I’ve done everything I can to help the precious children I met on my trip.

I’ve had my moments. Now I have my mission. Sound too dramatic? We’ll just see about that.
:)

My next post will be full of pictures from the trip.

Romania: My moment, part 1

Some people can look back on their lives and pinpoint one moment—an event, a glance, a sentence uttered—that altered the course of their future. I’ve always envied people who have them, because moments like that don’t come to everyone. And when they do, they give life new purpose and meaning.

I had my moment.

But, before I tell you about it, I need to take you back to where the story really begins. Because, when I reflect on my life, I can see now that the moment which set it all in motion happened when I was ten …

Sundays were reserved for family in my home. Occasionally after Sunday dinner, we’d sit together and watch ABC’s 20/20 (yes, I was a dork even back then—I loved that show. I don’t care what anyone says: Barbara Walters is a saint!).

In this particular episode, Barbara traveled to Romania, where although their communist regime had toppled, it left thousands of orphans in its wake. I was instantly transported from the comforts of my home to a world my ten-year-old mind could scarcely comprehend: a miserable, hopeless existence for the children who lived it. As I watched the story of these orphans unfold, I vowed to someday help them. I also begged my mom and dad to adopt some of them, which didn’t work (instead, I got Pete, my now-17-year-old “little” brother, so I can’t really complain). Clearly, I’ve worked on my persuasive skills since then. But anyway … Since my parents didn’t share my passion for the orphans (or, now that I’m an adult and have a better grasp on finances, I understand how expensive adoption would’ve been for them), I decided that as soon as I was old enough, I’d adopt.

I’ve never forgotten that episode. The images of those children have haunted me for many years. You see, that day, something was planted deep within me. And because I believe that was my “moment,” what happened didn’t fade over the years; the desire to help children continued to grow and weave itself into my life. While I didn’t have the means or opportunities to go to Romania over the years, other children in need always captured my heart. Rather than attend college immediately after high school, I volunteered at an elementary school for inner-city, fatherless children, involved myself in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, and moved to Hawaii where I spent a few months tutoring impoverished kids (and, let’s be honest—working on my tan in between).

However, even through all the work I did with other children, Romania kept tugging on my heart. I believed then, and I believe now, that God placed a desire to help those children in my heart, and that’s why I never “outgrew” it.

Last year, I found out that my mom’s best friend’s brother (I’ll give you a second to catch up …) has a mission organization called Mission Outfitters. And guess where they go every year at Christmas? Romania. As soon as I heard about this, I reached out to Tom, and asked him how I could get involved. He invited me to join them for their next trip. Due to finances and vacation time, I wasn’t able to go in 2010, but made plans to join them for their 2011 trip.

So, several weeks ago and after years of praying and waiting, I embarked on the journey that will forever change my life.

Stay tuned for more in the next day or two.

Dancing With The Stars gets its own blog!

For those of you who have been following all the drama with me (hi, Ter!) in this year's Dancing With The Stars ballroom, you know it's been a pretty great season. So great, in fact, that I've decided to give Dancing With The Stars its own blog.

Also, I didn't really want to keep cluttering up my own blog with Dancing With The Stars posts. And, I am of the technically challenged variety who doesn't know how to segment my blog so that there are different sections for different categories. It was easier to just create a new blog.

So! If you love DWTS as much as I do (is that possible?) and want to keep following the ballroom action, then bookmark this blog, because it's awesome: http://officialdwts.blogspot.com/

You won't regret it, I promise.

A little trick, a little treat

Happy Halloween! Are you ready for the big night? I’ve got about 100 bags of candy (fun size of course—my way of fighting childhood obesity) ready for the cute neighborhood trick-or-treaters…and I suppose even the ones who aren’t that cute. Because, let’s be honest: I’m not yet at that phase in life where I think “all kids are cute!” Hardly.

Anyhoo.

Last week, in what was probably the least surprising elimination of the season (except that maybe we were all surprised it didn’t happen sooner), we saw Chaz and Lacey go home.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again: As a person, Chaz is an absolute stand-out. Sweet and kind with a compelling story that I think had many of us cheering him on. Unfortunately, though, his dancing couldn’t live up to the rest of his potential. If there’s one thing we can learn from Chaz, it’s that trying your best doesn’t always mean you’re going to win, and nice guys don’t necessarily finish first (I thought that in a society where all the kids get trophies, it’d be good to have a little straight talk. Sorry, truth hurts). But take heart, Chaz. Despite the judges’ degrading and rude comments (he was compared to an Ewok and a penguin), you’re a winner in my book. I wish it had been Hope and Maks sent home instead of you.

And speaking of Maksgate, I procured some video for those of you who didn’t see the show last week and witness his meltdown. Check this out, and then form your own opinion.



But here’s mine, in case you were wondering. In all fairness to my former-love Maks, he did have some valid points. The judges haven’t been fair this season in some regards, and their remarks have often been degrading and harsh, as opposed to constructive. However, throwing your supposed “teammate” and “family member” Derek Hough under the bus on national television, coupled with an overall arrogant and generally douchey attitude, makes me take the judges’ side over yours. Sorry, Maks. There’s never just cause for disrespect or haughtiness—both are incredibly unattractive, even on you.

But onto this week’s celebration of Halloween on the dance floor. I thought I’d rate each dance as either “Trick” or “Treat.” I’m not sure yet what that’ll mean, except for the ridiculously obvious: Tristan and Derek are Treats. I know, too easy. But I couldn’t pass up an opportunity for gratuitous pics of our DWTS man-candy! Plus, I’m forgoing Halloween snacks this year because in addition to my concern for childhood obesity, I’m also fighting adulthood obesity—i.e. my own. So, no skittles and snickers for me this year—but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy some eye candy. If your eyes are on a diet, then STOP READING MY BLOG, because a feast for the eyes awaits you.

Lord have mercy! Is it “Trick or Treat” or “Tristan Treat”? (how clever was that?) I, for one, say Tristan Treat, because HELLO! Please join me in completely ignoring Nancy in the following images in favor of ogling Tristan.

And let us not forget about Derek Hough, man-candy in his own rite.

Let's pause for a moment of silence in honor of our Halloween treats, and then move on to tonight's performances.

David and Kym cha cha to Abracadabra

David is adorable. He reminds me of a little Labrador puppy that gets so excited when his owners come home that he can’t stop wagging his tail and peeing all over the floor. At the beginning of the package, David talked about how hard it is for him to calm down enough to focus on the dance, so Kym decided to hypnotize him before the dance, telling him “you will remain calm during the cha-cha … you will remain calm during the cha-cha.” Hey Kym, next time try mashing up a couple Ritalins in his applesauce. I think you’ll have better luck.

During the dance, I thought David looked like he was lost on the dance floor, just following Kym around like a puppy dog. Kym danced, David watched and occasionally moved his feet. The best part of the dance was that David wanted to incorporate some magic tricks into their routine, so he “magically” exploded silly string at the end of the routine. But instead of going where it was supposed to go, it launched straight into his face and all over his head. He was flailing around trying to get it off himself. Hilar. LOVE.This.Guy.

Comments from the judges:
Len: Lots of tricks, lots of treats! Needed more rhythm, but overall well done
Carly: Huh? Really?

Bruno: You’re a natural at turning tricks!
Carly: Not sure what kind of “tricks” Bruno is talking about … Did he see what I saw? Maybe he was referring to David’s perv-stache. He did look like a pimp.

Carie-Ann: Your improvement is phenomenal! You were all over the place last week, but Kym has reigned you in! WOW!
Carly: What? Is it opposite day and no one bothered to send me the memo??

Score: 24, and I’m calling this dance a trick, because I feel like I was tricked by the judges. Or maybe the judges were bewitched by David and Kym’s magic. It is Halloween, after all. Anything is possible.

JR and Karina tango to Ghostbusters

The pressure is on for JR and Karina after last week’s score of 29. And for the first time ever, the two of them clashed during rehearsals. It was cute, though, because two seconds after their “argument” they were hugging it out. Start DATING already, you two!

I liked their dance. The footwork was fancy, and of course JR had his irresistible smile on the whole time. On a side note yet related, you know how people say Halloween is the one day a year that good girls can get away with dressing like total ho-shows? Well, I didn’t think that would apply to our Dancing With the Stars professionals, because, let’s be honest here: How much less could they really wear? I think Karina and Kym asked each other that very question and decided to have a little Halloween competition. Here were the results. Who won? I’m not sure, but it definitely wasn’t my eyes.

Comments from the judges:
Bruno: I was bewitched, conquered and swept away! The timing of this song was hard, though, and you lost it a few times.
Carly: I thought the timing was good! What in the world? It is DEF opposite day…

Carie-Ann: There was a tiny little slip, but you captured the tone of the piece perfectly.
Carly: If by “little tiny slip” you mean “little tiny costume” then I agree.

Len: This performance was sub-standard to what I expect from you. You were concentrating so hard on all the “razzmatazz” that you forgot to work on your feet.
Carly: No way!

Score: 25, and I’m calling this one a trick too, because Karina faked us into thinking she was completely naked, when in fact, she was wearing a few strategically-placed strips of fabric. AND because yet again, I feel tricked by the judges. What is going on here??

Nancy and Tristan jive to Devil Went Down to Georgia
As usual, Nancy’s comments at the beginning of the package were annoying, but Tristan, also as usual, was hilarious with his quick, witty comebacks. Tristan and I are like a match made in heaven. I’d like to start a petition for DWTS to pair me with Tristan next season, and also for the remainder of this season for Nancy to not be allowed to speak. At all. Who’s with me??!

The dance started off pretty bad. Nancy pulled a Chynna Phillips and forgot the first 15 or so seconds of choreography. Uh-oooooh! She woke up from her trance just in time to march and jump around the dance floor for another minute before it was mercifully over. It was pretty bad, and I think this may be Nancy’s ticket home and Tristan’s ticket to freedom.

Comments from the judges:
Carie-Ann: We all have our good days and our not-so-good days. Last week was a good day for you. This week, not such a good day.
Carly: I agree 100 percent. And can we talk about Tristan’s bad day for a second? There’s not a lot he could do to NOT look good. He’s one of those people who is helplessly, hopelessly hot. Except for last night. What WAS that?? Last week, I specifically requested that he and Derek didn’t cover too much skin with their Halloween costumes. And what did they go and do? Completely disguise Tristan! Why, DWTS? WHY?!?

Len: Certain dances suit you, certain dances don’t. This one went wrong early on for you. It was a disappointment for me, and I guess it was for you too.
Carly: Certain costumes suit you, certain costumes don’t. Face paint and fake facial hair do NOT suit you, Tristan. Please keep that in mind for all future shows. Kthanx.

Bruno: The devil got you, Nancy! You look devilish, but unfortunately, so does your footing.
Carly: The Devil went down to the dance floor, hoodwinked Nancy’s footwork and bamboozled Tristan’s hotness. NOT cool.

Score: 21 Ouch. I felt tricked AND gypped. And I'm pretty sure the image of Tristan not looking like Tristan will haunt me for quite some time ...

Rob and Cheryl tango to theme from Adams Family

I like Rob more and more each week. He pranked Cheryl like five times during rehearsals. And, at one point, he had to stop dancing because his “right butt cheek” was sore. Love it.

The dance was pretty solid, and I thought it was one of the best of the night. Rob was cute, trying to maintain a tango-esque scowl during the dance. He really rocked the footwork required for a good tango.

Comments from the judges:
Len: Terrific job, great footwork in a crucial week. Well done to you.
Carly: Agreed! But what’s with Rob’s moustache? Come to think of it, why are ALL the guys wearing moustaches and other weird facial hair this week??

Bruno: You are the master of the house. You’ve never been so manly and in control. But your bum got a little out of control—keep it under you. There’s nothing wrong with having a butt as long as you know what to do with it!
Carly: Bruno has a new crush. Calm down there, tiger.

Carie-Ann: Rob, your best dance so far.
Carly: I called that.

Score: 25, and right on. This dance was an unexpected treat!

Ricki and Derek paso doble to Sweet Dreams
Ricki is a rockstar. She has a rib injury that supposedly requires two weeks of rest to heal, but she won’t be stopped! She wrapped up that rib so tight I’m not sure how she could breathe, and then showed her ribs (and the dance floor) who was boss.

Derek’s choreography was sheer brilliance. And I don’t say that because of my crush. He is by far the most creative, evocative choreographer on that show. It’s amazing how he tells such powerful stories through dance. And Ricki hangs right there with him. The stage setting was a frozen, wooded area, and they acted out the Little Red Riding Hood story. Amazeballs.

Comments from the judges:
Bruno: It was like a blizzard of passion and fear in the frozen woods. At times, you tensed your shoulders, but I’m telling you—this was another incredible performance.
Carly: Couldn’t have said it better myself, except for that shoulder thing. Since when do you nitpick shoulder location?

Carie-Ann: Your shaping is gorgeous, but you do have to be careful of your shoulders.
Carly: What does that mean? Cut the injured girl some slack!

Len: The shapes you made were lovely! Quick, precise footwork. Twists, turns, whipping, waiting! Wonderful!

Score: 27 Of course, this was a treat, and not just because of Derek. My only complaint is that I thought they deserved at least one ten.

Hope and Maks samba to Warewolves of London
Apparently, Maks broke his toe, so he had to bring in back-up support from the DWTS troupe to help teach Hope how to dance. I wonder if he broke it when he left a flaming bag of doggie-doo on Len’s front porch, rang the doorbell and ran away?

Anyhoo, during the rehearsals--both for their individual and team performances--Maks spent most of the time yelling, swearing and being angry at Hope. Geeze, no wonder she can't dance. What is his problem this season? He claims he's just passionate. But I'm an incredibly passionate person, and you don't find me screaming at all the things I'm passionate about. It's weird. He was so great last season. Kirstie seemed to bring out the best in him. But with Hope, he's just a bratty brute.

As usual, Hope’s dancing was awkward and underwhelming. I really don’t have much to say about it (I know—shocking). I thought there was mild improvement, but she’s still not graceful and I still don’t think she’s pleasant to watch.

Carie-Ann: You had a lightness this week that was fun to watch. Good job.
Carly: Stop it.

Len: The samba can be a celebrity’s graveyard. But you coped well with a difficult dance.
Carly: Seriously, stop it.

Bruno: You were running away from the big, bad wolf and dancing as if your life depended on it! Better timing, better placement, you should be proud.
Carly: STOP.IT! It’s obvious to me what happened here: After last week’s Maksgate blowup, the judges were told under threat of job extermination, that they had to be nicer to those they’ve been giving a hard time to, and give a hard time to those they’ve been nice to. Hence the no-10s for Ricki and JR, and the nice comments for Hope. That is the only explanation I can think of. Well, that, and Len didn’t want another pile of flaming dog-doo on his front porch from Maks. Let’s hope next week, they’re back to being honest and unintimidated.

Score: 24. TOTAL trick. Wow.

Last up, we had two group dances. I LOVE group dance night!

Group 1 was David/Kym; JR/Karina and Nancy/Tristan, called Team Tango.

JR and Karina were the team “captains,” so they got to choose their team and the choreography. Dancing to Rihanna’s Disturbia, Team Tango looked pretty disturbed, to borrow some alliteration from Bruno. When they were all six dancing together, I liked it. But their individual dances (aside from JR and Karina of course) were bad, bad, bad.
Score: 23

Group 2, Team Paso (stop with the creative names already), was Ricki/Derek; Hope/Maks and Rob/Cheryl.

They danced to Bring Me to Life by Evanescence, and it was awesome! As usual, anything Derek touches turns to gold, and this dance was no exception. As the team captains, he and Ricki led Team Paso to an unforgettable, magical, exciting, passionate Paso. Well done!
Score: 26, which I thought was little low, but whatevs.

My prediction is that Nancy and Tristan go home tonight, but who knows—we could be tricked yet again. Until next week, I’ll be over here, trying to erase the image of all those perv-staches from my mind.

Dancing with the Stars takes Broadway by storm … Or, wait a minute, is it the Maksim Chmerkovskiy Show?

Before we begin this week’s recap of the show, we must bid adieu to one of the funnest, most flamboyant contestants ever to cut the DWTS rug—Carson Kressley.

While it wasn’t all that shocking to see him go, it was sad. I, for one, will miss his collagen-enhanced smile, sparkling costumes and the way he creeped on Maks (because, let’s be honest—can we blame him for saying what we were all thinking??). Here’s to you, Mr. Kressley. You will be missed, but know that your creepiness and amazing costumes will go down in my history book as what made you one of my all-time favorite DWTS contestants.

Last night was Broadway night, and I was excited to see what the dancers would bring to the stage. Anger. Insults. Disrespect. You know, the usual. Gloves came off, Maks flipped his you-know-what, and things got heated. But more about that later. First, let’s cha-cha.

Rob and Cheryl cha-cha to Walk Like a Man from Jersey Boys
I never thought I’d say this, but Rob Kardashian is growing on me. He’s incredibly immature and a total momma’s boy, but somehow, still completely loveable (It’s not like I’m looking for a love connection here…). At the beginning of the competition, I had zero faith that he’d still be here at this point, but he’s stepped up to be quite a contender. Tonight, he shook what his Kardashian genes gave him, smiled a lot, and showed the judges and the rest of the competition that he is in it to win it! I also wish he’d show us even just a little bit of personality now and then, like when he receives good scores. C’mon Rob! Crack a smile with those ridiculously-white teeth! I shouldn’t be more excited than you are …

Comments from the judges:
Len: Clean, precise, good timing. Each dance gives you new challenges. The cha-cha-cha has to show rhythm, and there wasn’t any. It was stiff and starchy.
Carly: First, why are you calling it the cha-cha-cha? Second, you said it had good timing, and then you said there wasn’t any rhythm. I’m confused. And, although Rob has clearly stated on numerous occasions that he has a COLLEGE DEGREE, I think he was confused as well. Let’s try constructive criticism, Len!

Bruno: The truth is, this is opening night on Broadway, and you’ve got to take it full on from the opening bar. You have to be in charge. It was adequate, but it didn’t have the impact and power it should at this stage.
Carly: Is Bruno gay? If so, he and Carson would make an ADORBS couple.

Carie-Ann: Not as great as what I saw last week, but I saw much more charisma than I’ve ever seen before. You’re right on the cusp. You’re an adolescent now, rather than a kid, yet not quite a man. You’re like a late bloomer.
Carly: Why is there SO much talk about Rob “being a man”? I mean, the guy is a college graduate (as he’s mentioned before … on many occasions … numerously), so he’s at LEAST 22 (unless he was a child genius, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say he wasn’t…). How is there any question as to whether or not he’s a “man” yet? Geeze, find something else to talk about or criticize! The judges are there for a reason, and that reason is to give constructive feedback that will help the stars grow as dancers each week. It bugs when they don’t do that and they just nitpick, which is what they did to Rob last night.

Score: 22, which I guess was pretty fair all-in-all.

Nancy and Tristan foxtrot to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monte Python
Tristan in that outfit! Lord have mercy!

He looks like he needs a damsel in distress to rescue on his white horse. Clearly, Nancy is in distress, but I don’t think she qualifies as a damsel. Hang on, Tristan! I’ll go find some trouble so you can be my hero.

Why is Nancy so mean to Tristan? Look at him. Listen to his ridiculously cute accent. How could ANYone be mean to him?? I said it last week, and I’ll say it again: Nancy Grace needs to learn a thing or two about appreciating what is right in front of her. Every girl in America (and by “every girl in America” I mean me) would KILL for the opportunity Nancy has right now. Try ENJOYING it, Nancy, rather than moaning about every single thing Tristan does. Which, by the way, is all for you. I’m thinking that since Tristan is the DWTS professional rookie this year, he’s being hazed. That must be it. DWTS hazes first year professionals, and Nancy Grace is their hazing for this year. A little harsh, if you ask me. Let’s hope Tristan will put up with Nancy’s horrible attitude long enough to earn himself a ticket back next year, and a WAY better partner (I’m accepting offers, if you’re interested, Trist.)

Anyhoo, onto the dance: Last week (and nearly every week since this started), Nancy was told to sparkle and show some personality. And I thought she did a lot better this week, even if her fake smile nearly sprained her facial muscles. At least she tried.

Comments from the judges:
Bruno: Nancy Dancelot with Tristan Lancelot. Captured the feel of the musical while doing a foxtrot.
Carly: I love Bruno’s rhymes.

Carie-Ann: You showed me, didn’t you! You upped the ante! That’s what you call a showstopper!
Carly: Tristan always stops my show.

Len: I’m smiling because much more personality came out; we saw a different side of you.
Carly: Agreed. Well done, Nancy. Way to take on constructive criticism and improve. Now if only you’d read my blog and start being nice to Tristan. Last night, I debated about whether I should vote for Tristan so I can see more of him, or be unselfish and not vote so he can be put out of his misery. I LOVE him. And I’m selfish. So I voted—from my cell phone AND my hotel room’s phone. Hmmm I wonder if that’ll get charged to my room bill?

Score: 24 Tristan, you miracle worker, you! Only you could take Nancy Grace and turn her into one of the top performers. Well done!

David and Kym quickstep to We Go Together from Grease
First of all, I LOVE Grease, so this was definitely my favorite song of the night. David and Kym made a really cute Danny and Sandy. David is so sweet, and his enthusiasm is contagious, but dude—get it under control a little! The foxtrot just couldn’t contain him …

I was interrupted very rudely by the arrival of my room service, but what I did see of the performance was what I expected. There were some awkward missteps, and David just gets so excited that he gets out in front of the dance, as though the music is just TOO SLOW.

Comments from the judges:
Carie Ann: Loved it, except you didn’t stay in sync.
Carly: Isn’t staying N SYNC what it’s all about? I’m no professional judge, but I thought it was …

Len: It was what it was. Rough around the edges, but high energy, full on, and your enthusiasm got the better of you. It was fun!
Carly: Why is Courtney Cox crying again? She cries every week when he dances. I don’t understand …

Bruno: You have the exuberance of a teenager on spring break.
Carly: Haha

Score: 23, which seemed a little high to me (kinda like David seemed a little high to me)

Ricki and Derek quickstep to Luck be a Lady from Guys and Dolls
First order of business: Ricki looks like she’s lost a ton of weight! And she confirmed in the after-dance interview that she’s lost at least 20 pounds. Gooooo Ricki! It’d be rude of me to compliment Ricki without saying something nice about Derek. So, Derek, I love you. And even though you have really strange facial hair this week, you are always a looker in my book.

I loved their dance, as usual. Full of fun, energy and Derek’s hotness—what more could I ask for? The judges apparently felt the same way, as Carie-Ann and Bruno both gave a standing ovation. YES!

Comments from the judges:
Len: Luck be a Lady—you don’t need luck if you’ve got talent, and you’ve got talent! I loved it. I thought it was fanTAStic. (Emphasis totally his.)
Carly: Ricki’s dress was too long for me to see her feet, so I had a hard time judging.

Bruno: Impeccable style, outstanding choreography. Your interpretation of the music was just beyond belief.
Carly: Ya team DerIcki!

Carie-Ann: That dance was poetry in motion done SO well. Can anyone say “Tony Award?”??
Carly: I don’t know about that, but I CAN say “Marry me, Derek. Dump Lauren Conrad! What does she have that I don’t?”

Never mind, don’t answer that. Please.

Score: 29—their highest score so far, and I voted my FACE off for those two. Because even though I mostly carry on about Derek, I really like Ricki too.

Chaz and Lacey tango to the theme from Phantom of the Opera
Lacey has the patience of …someone really patient. She’s so sweet to Chaz while still letting him know that he needs to STEP it UP. Seriously, Chaz. Come the heck ON! But to be fair, he is trying SO hard, and I love seeing that kind of determination and hard work. Dancing doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and Chaz has been through a lot both physically and emotionally. I can only imagine what this competition means to him. I continue to be impressed by him as a person. But not so much by him as a dancer.

Question 1: Could he see with that mask on last night? Because, c’mon—he has a hard enough time dancing without impairing his vision!

Question 2: Was anyone else impressed with his improvement this week?? Apparently not, judging by the judges' comments. But to me, it was like a transformation compared to previous weeks.

Comments from the judges:
Bruno: That was like watching a cute little penguin try to be a menacing bird of prey. Some roles fit certain characters and some roles don’t. This character didn’t fit you.
Carly: That was really, really mean, and the look on Chaz’s face when Bruno said that made me want to cry. That was uncalled for, Bruno, and so, so uncool.

Carie-Ann: At week six, I want to see a little bit more content. You’ve gotta push further. I definitely saw the attitude for the dance, though.
Carly: Agreed.

Len: The first rule of each dance is to get through the routine, and you did that. I know you’re trying your hardest, and I can see that. Hold should be tighter, though, and more aggressive for the tango. Good job on a tough dance. It didn’t suit your personality, but well done.
Carly: I appreciated Len’s constructive criticism, but overall, I felt like crying for Chaz. He is trying SO HARD, I just want him to succeed.

Score: 19. What can you say? He’s just not cutting it (the rug).

Hope and Maks rumba to Seasons of Love from Rent, then Maks has a meltdown
First, did anyone else notice Hope in the background of all the after-dance interviews, sitting on the couch like a total man?? I mean, I’m not trying to pick on her. But, Hope, close your knees! During their rehearsals this week, Maks brought in some of the professional girl dancers to show Hope how to dance. She said, “One day I hope to be as sexy as any of those professional dancers.” My advice to Hope is to start by sitting with your knees together.

The dance itself was bad—I thought it was one of their worst yet. She was SO awkward!

Dancing isn’t her thing. Stick with soccer and posing naked for ESPN mag, Hope. I’ve heard you’re good at both of those things.

The dance floor heated UP after their routine, though, when the judges commented …

And sadly, shockingly, in one moment of disrespect, arrogance and general doucheyness, my undying love for Maksim Chmerkovskiy died … and was redirected toward Derek and Tristan. Sorry Maks. You had your chance.

Comments from the judges:
Carrie-Ann: I see all the effort you’re putting toward your movement. But still, there’s just something about dancing that goes against your natural feistiness. You force the move so much that it distorts it a little.
Carly: Poor thing. She looked like she was going to cry. Cowgirl up, Hope. You’re an Olympic athlete. You pose nekkid in magazines. You have a lot of other things going for you. Don’t sweat this.

Len: I’m at a loss for what to say here. I’ve never lost faith in you, Hope. I always feel that there is so much there, and for some reason, it hasn’t come out. This was the worst dance of the whole season in my opinion. I’m really disappointed.
Carly: OOOOOOOOOOH SNAP! Them are fightin words, Len!

Maks pulled off the gloves and melted down right there on the dance floor. Dang! In his tirade, he told Len that it’s time for him to retire, that his 50-plus years in the ballroom are over, that the judges are “so judgmental” (ummmm, a bit ironic, no? Isn’t that what judges are paid to be?), and in what was the most shocking (and off-putting) statement of the night, he declared, “This is MY show. I have helped make it what it is.” Really, Maks? REALLY? Then, he blatantly said that all Chaz does (without naming Chaz--but we all knew who he was talking about) is walk around on the dance floor, and gets an “A for effort” from the judges. What a butthead. I'm SO over it. And while I don’t think he and Hope will go home yet, they really deserve to. Not because of the outburst, but because she’s a bad dancer. Sorry about it.

Score: 20, which was right on. The worst dance of the night was Chaz and Lacey, and they received a 19. The second-worst dance of the night was Hope and Maks, and they received a 20.

J.R. and Karina quickstep to Hot Honey Rag from Chicago
I can only imagine what it felt like to take the stage post Maks-meltdown. But if there was any couple to overcome Maksgate, it was J.R. and Karina.

Their routine was unbelievaballs! Again! J.R. is just awesome. Not much else to say about that.

Comments from the judges:
Len: You are truly relentless. You just keep on keeping on.
Carly: Ditto.

Bruno: You created a rip-roaring eleven o’clock number that makes the show a HIT!
Carly: Double-ditto.

Carie-Ann: Can I give another Tony away in one night???
Carly: No, Carie! Only ONE Tony per night!! That’ll teach you to give out your Tonies a little more carefully.

Score: 29 , and tied for first! They got the other third of my votes. I love those two together.

Group dance to Big Spender and Money Money
Carson came back to help with choreography (i.e. morale). He also gave one of the greatest life lessons I think we’ve ever learned from DWTS: “If you start to panic about anything, just do jazz hands!” So true, Carson … so very true …

I loved the group dance for a few reasons:

1. The outfits

2. Seeing everyone interacting and having fun together makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Not really, but I am glad they’re all friendly. Someday, when I’m on the show, I’ll be nice to all the other stars too.

3. Carson blatantly hitting on Maks will never get old to watch. Best line of the night was when Maks was practicing a move and landed slightly off balance. Carson yelled, “OMG YOU ALMOST DIED! Hug me!!” And goes in for a big bear hug. Well played, Carson. Well played.
Standouts among the stars were Ricki, Rob (I’m calling it now: Dark Horse) and Nancy’s brave lift with Tristan.

So that’s it for Broadway night! The ballroom survived Maks’ absurd outburst (d-bag) and the show will go on for another week. Next week is Halloween week. I’m not sure what that means music and dance-wise, but I bet it’ll be fun. Let’s just hope Tristan and Derek don’t dress up in costumes that cover TOO much skin, and that maybe Maks wears a happy-face costume.

Until next week, I’ll be over here, avoiding angry Ukrainians.